What did you learn today?

Reflecting on the past decade of my professional career, I realized that I have learned a great deal more from people that I don’t want to emulate at any cost than from those I admire and respect.

The slimy, unethical, incompetent, moron at work has taught me some valuable lessons about “who and what I will never be”…who would have thought that? Irony, I tell you, at its very best…

I have learned that:

1. I will never be that dude who surrounds himself with subservient ‘yes’ people out of the insecurity and fear of being challenged by merit
2. I will never be that dude who only talks to the team when something is wrong
3. I will never be that dude who refuses to empower his employees out of the psychopathic desire to control them and restrict their personal and professional growth
4. I will never be that dude who chooses to divide and conquer rather than unite and empower
5. I will never be that dude who overwhelms the most competent from within the team with mundane, meaningless tasks just to make sure everyone knows ‘who the boss is’
6. I will never be that dude who consciously places unrealistic demands on the team just to keep them on their toes
7. I will never be that dude who sabotages the successes of the team to ensure that those above him think that he is the only one capable of getting anything done
8. I will never be that dude who remunerates and rewards his team not based on merit, contribution, or performance, but based on his personal opinion of what that person is worth
9. I will never be that dude who nickels, dimes, and cheats his team just so that there is more left over for him to take home
10. I will never be that dude who pretends to be what he is not – and really is that what he pretends not to be

Thank you! – all you foolish, incompetent morons – for these valuable lessons…

I will, thankfully, never be you – thanks to you!

- The Ranting Dream

Who let the frog out?

Frog: a slimy, cold-blooded amphibian with bulging eyes found on every continent except Antarctica…

That is correct – I just described your boss …

That slimy, cold-blooded croak whose eyes bulge out of their sockets every time you enter their peripheral…picture your boss on vacation at the beach to complete the ‘amphibian’ image (of course, the ‘frog-legs’ need no description at this point)…and since you don’t live in Antarctica…

Sing with me:

“Who let the frog out? Who?? Who??? Who???? Who?????”

How to deal with that frog in your life (yes: ‘compromising’ with the frog is NOT an option – you MUST deal with the situation):

1. Know yourself – connect with that self confidence, self-esteem, and courage within you – trust me, it’s there – all you need to do is to be AWARE of its existence…

This is very important – everything else in this rant is worthless if you ignore this advice. “Know Yourself!” I once suffered at the hands of a 3 foot 4.5 inch bull(y)-frog at work for over three years – and the day I stood up for myself, I realized how foolish I was at not having stood up the first time that idiot croaked — had I been aware of ‘my self worth’, I would not have suffered a moment of distress – alas! if only foresight was 20/20 as well…

2. Once you’ve created that self-awareness; you will be able to view the situation objectively…try to determine exactly ‘where’ and ‘what’ the issue is…self examination, followed by problem determination are always the best ways to start dealing with such people and situations.

3. Talk to someone you can trust – be careful with this one – there was a Ms. Lewinsky once upon a time who confided in a Ms. Tripp – the entire world knows what happened after that…but if you are confident that the person you are confiding in has your best interests at heart, you will be able to analyze the situation from more than one viewpoint – and the moral support will do wonders for your self-confidence, self-respect, and self-esteem…

4. Approach the frog for a private conversation – I went with mine to dinner at the Keg – what a date that was! It didn’t quite help resolve the issue(s) – but laid the foundation on which I could start asserting myself and gave me a lot of insight on ‘who’ I was dealing with…in that conversation, make sure you are assertive and clear as to what you are there for – and do not leave the meeting until you have a good understanding of where the two of you are going to go with this…

5. Document your efforts (including the conversation you have with the frog); and get the frog and your respective bosses involved in the process – there is no ‘black-and-white’ methodology for this – every situation will be different. But the important thing at this point is to have a frame of reference and some formality – especially after you have had your ‘conversation’ with the frog and she/he is aware of how you feel…

6. Let the frog know that you mean business – if, and when, the unbecoming behavior manifests itself (even if in public) make sure you tell the frog as clearly and as politely as you can that this is exactly what you do not appreciate — if the frog gets confrontational – good for you…especially if in public…

7. If the situation seems to get worse – take it up a few notches. Go to the highest authority that you have access to and request formal intervention and/or mediation. Engage professional help.

8. If the frog has ‘dirt’ on the higher-ups, then you’ll get a lot of ‘lip-service’ but no action – in fact, your existence will start getting progressively miserable as the frog and her/his ‘buddies’ will try everything in the spell book to lay a curse on you…at this point you can quit – or you can do what I did…

9. I went to the frog’s boss, and laid everything out on the table – including my disgust at how the situation was being handled…I also tapped into the depth of the confidence within my being and told him that he could keep his baggage as I didn’t believe that his frog was capable of securing employment anywhere else – rude, I know, but I told it like I felt it…

Long story short – frogs will be frogs – soon after your private conversation with the frog in question; you will know if that pond is right for you or not – but don’t quit – never quit! – take the fight all the way to the end – then, after you win the battle, you can choose to take your genius anywhere your heart desires; and leave the slimy croaks in their muddy pond wondering what hit them….

Know yourself, believe in your capabilities, be assertive – and deal with the frogs in your life…

And remember that story about the frog who turned into a handsome prince when kissed???…that was just a story…a make-believe story…

- The Ranting Dream

So, can I fly?

“What is the difference between thinking, knowing, and believing?”

I have a theory, and it is very simple (in my humble opinion) but I will not just give it away…

Let’s see if we can figure this one out without spelling out my interpretation…

Thinking can be defined as an indecisive process of the mind that involves the manipulation of information. Just information – not knowledge…

Knowledge can be defined as a decisive process of the mind that involves the manipulation and organization of information vis-a-vis facts, logic, common-sense; and in many instances, through the application of empirical, best (known) practices, and scientific principles and methodologies…

Belief can be defined as a process of the mind that could be persuaded by thought and by knowledge – and involves the manipulation, organization, and application of information and knowledge by an individual in tandem with her/his perception of reality…

Let’s try to simplify this a little bit – recite the following simple sentences to yourself – and pause briefly to reflect on what they mean to you:

“I think I can fly”
“I know I can fly”
“I believe I can fly”

Do you see the ONE difference that I see between these concepts?

With “I think”, I am expressing desire or intent – but the claim is baseless – I say the words: “I can fly” – but the context and attitude is defined by the preceding ‘I think’…

With “I know”, I am expressing capability – the claim is most probably supported by a valid pilot’s license and documented experience in handling the bird in question – I say the same words: “I can fly” – but the attitude is now of confidence and clarity…

With “I believe”, I am expressing power – the power within me that is capable of taking my desire to fly and converting that desire into a definite goal – regardless of what ‘I can fly’ actually means – the attitude here is of conviction, of faith, of a power that lies within each one of us but is seldom commissioned…

Do you now see that ONE difference???

The difference between thinking, knowing, and believing is simply ‘attitude‘…

“I can fly” – that is my reality – the act of ‘flying’ or what it means is irrelevant – “I think”, “I know”, and “I believe” are the attitudes that will define the manifestation of that ‘flight’ in my existence…

So, mon ami; do you think you can fly with me? or do you know that you are going to fly with me? or have you already been flying with me all the way from infinity, and believe that we are on the same flight path all the way to eternity?

- The Ranting Dream

Will you please STOP IT!

Of all the things that annoy me, the one thing that I must rant about is the amount of ‘junk’ e-mail that people forward everyday…

By the way, the prosperity of my progeny seven generations down has been cursed because I did not forward that message to 20 people as demanded by the original sender — and I also missed out on a massive fortune that Bill Gates was giving away just because I was too lazy to forward a ‘piece of junk’ e-mail message to 200 of my friends within the 10 hour time limit that I was given…

And I don’t need to send you photos of flowers by e-mail to prove to you that I care – if I really do care that much about you, I’ll call the florist and have the real stuff delivered to you – or better still: I’ll bring them to you personally – but if you’ve not got any flowers from me yet; then don’t be hopeful – even if I reply to your e-mail and forward your stupid junk letter to 10 other friends – I’m lying to you – I don’t really care about you or your junk e-mail nonsense or those stupid pictures of flowers you insist on sending everyone under the sun…

Here’s one that I got – probably the most annoying of them all, and therefore my choice for this rant – read it through before going to my response to this junk:

Pepsi and Coca Cola Contains PORK (PIG) extracts – PROVEN!!

Shocking / Bad News : Pepsi and Coca Cola contains extract from Pork (Pig)

Most of the people avoid Pepsi and Coca-Cola for various reasons: because of harmful chemical contents such as excessive carbonates, etc.

Now there is yet another reason which is more dangerous. The scientific and medical research says that drinking Pepsi & Cola leads to cancer because the key element is taken from Pigs sausage.

The pig is the only animal that eats dirt, dung and urine, which makes lethal and deadly fabric polluted germs and microbes.

According to a report published in Jordanian magazine, the Head of Delhi University Science and Technology , Dr. Mangoshada scientifically proved that the key element in Pepsi and Cola contains extract from the intestines of Pig which causes cancer and other deadly diseases.

The Indian university conducted tests on the impact of drinking Pepsi and Coca Cola which proved that drinking them lead to more rapid heart rate and low pressure.

Also drinking 6 bottles of Pepsi or Cola at a time causes instant death. It also contains chemicals such as carbonic and phosphoric acids, citric acid which harms teeth and causes bone fragility. Bones kept in the Cup of Pepsi melts during the week knowing that the bones of the dead remain in the grave for thirty years.

Research itself confirmed that the calcium dissolved in Pepsi and it weakens the bladder, kidneys, kills the pancreatic, leads to diabetes and infectious diseases.

Pepsi or Coca-Cola lovers nothing to worry as it is not the only drinks available on this earth, as we have other healthy alternatives such as natural fruit juices, canned coconut water, flavored milks, buttermilk etc., all of them are conveniently available even in the small stores.

Here are my 2-pennies worth – and forgive my tone and language – it’s just beyond annoying:

This is a Big hoax!! Stop passing it around!!!

While this was published in some middle-eastern newspaper in August 2006, none of it is true…

“The scientific and medical research says that drinking Pepsi & Cola leads to cancer because the key element is taken from Pigs sausage.”

…WHAT? Pigs sausage? Is that part of the pig’s anatomy – like the pig’s ears, the pig’s snout, and of course, the pig’s sausage…hmmm…maybe it is – maybe that’s what a pig’s sausage is called: the pig’s SAUSAGE — and what scientific and medical research? Does the publication have a name?

“The pig is the only animal that eats dirt, dung and urine, which makes lethal and deadly fabric polluted germs and microbes.”

…untrue! – cows are dirties than pigs in their lifestyle – one of the main reasons why pork is labeled as ‘HARAM’ in Islam is NOT because pigs are ‘dirty’ animals, but because you cannot slaughter a pig by cutting its jugular vein like you can a cow or a chicken – because of that, a lot of the pig’s blood is left in the meat/body when the pig dies – unlike a cow or chicken slaughtered the ‘halal’ way by cutting their jugular vein, where they ‘bleed to death’…

…blood is highly toxic and is known to cause many medical complications (including cancer and some brain-related complications – and the bloody meat of the swine is also a healthy host to many human-threatening parasites) – think why your doctor asks you to avoid ‘red’ meat – the red in the meat is its BLOOD content…the redder the meat, the more blood in it – tasty as it is, blood in meat can be DEADLY – and that is why we choose to eat HALAL – not because someone chanted verses of the Quran on the animal before killing it – but because the animal was slaughtered in such a way that almost all of the blood in its system was drained before it died…

…as a matter of fact, more than half of those pranksters who put on the little cap and chant over the animal before striking it don’t even know Arabic, nor have ever read the Quran – they’re putting on a SHOW for the ignorant who believe that their ‘dinner’ is being blessed for them and who end up paying a hefty premium for the chanting service – the guy is more than likely swearing at you in Hebrew (no pun intended) than blessing your meat…and you don’t know either of those languages – bwana we! vipi – mbona unakuwa mpumbavu namna hiyo – like I just prayed for your eternal prosperity there in Swahili…

…And what’s with “deadly fabric polluted germs and microbes” ??? what kind of organisms are those? ‘deadly fabric polluted germs’– more like the underwear of someone with gastric issues?

“the Head of Delhi University Science and Technology , Dr. Mangoshada…”

…go ahead and call the university – ask for Dr. Mangoshada and find out for yourself if this person ever existed…Delhi University contact info. – Ph: 011-7257725, 011-2922480 Fax: 011-7257049 E-mail: v...@del3.vsnal.net.in – you’ll be shocked to know that there is no Dr. Mango-whatever-Shake at Delhi-U – go ahead, Skype that number and find out…

“Also drinking 6 bottles of Pepsi or Cola at a time causes instant death.”

…I’d like to add to that with: ‘…and drinking 6 bottles of Pepsi or Cola at a time also results in people calling you, among other expletives, STUPID!…’ – and who experimented this one to prove the ‘instant death syndrome’? Dr. Mangoshada? Because if he did, we will never know if he really conducted that experiment, will we? Tch tch tch…

…’canned coconut water’ is offered as one of the ‘healthy alternatives’ – someone better shake Dr. Mangoshada back to reality – was he sleeping through med school or what? Coconut water? – canned (and preserved, of course) – healthy? Ever heard of BAD CHOLESTEROL my friend…hey, Dr. Poonja – want to go over to Delhi and kick the crap out of this Dr. Mangoshada?

Here is a HEALTHY exercise for you:

Look at the nutrition information on your box of TROPICANA PURE ‘PREMIUM’ ORANGE JUICE – the product claims to be a ‘healthy’ drink blah blah blah (don’t forget: it’s ‘PURE’ and ‘PREMIUM’ ORANGE JUICE – that stuff has to be ‘good’) – take a close look at the amount of calories, sugar, fat, carbs etc. in a 250mL serving of the juice – now take a COLA or GINGER-ALE can of either PEPSI or COKE brands and compare how much of those elements make up a 355mL serving – then decide which is the healthier of the two…the ORANGE JUICE (with bonus PULP – from real, albeit GENETICALLY MODIFIED AND SCREWED UP oranges) or the COLA or ALE…you’re in for a shock of your life if you haven’t done this already…

Once you’ve burned enough calories fuming over all of that – fill yourself a HUGE glass of PLAIN WATER – and ignoring the chlorine, pesticides, and other nasty gene-altering, hair-damaging, impotence-inducing chemicals that your city dumps into your drinking water; savor the taste (or lack thereof) of HEALTHY DRINKING…

Side Note: Like the Quran, the Bible also forbids the consumption of the ‘meat of the swine’ – read: (Leviticus 11:7-8) and (Deuteronomy 14:8)…the message is the same, our politics have divided us…and the poor pig gets labeled as the unclean, uncouth creature – look in the mirror my friends…look deep…and look hard…

Another Side Note: A wise being once said – “better a snake show you it fangs than your friend – you know the snake’s intentions loud and clear; with your friend, unfortunately, you think he’s smiling and sharing in your joy!”

(as you read this wise quote, think of all the overly-enthusiastic, extremely well-proportioned, happy and smiling folks the advertising companies put on the screen inviting you to savor the ‘healthy taste of paradise’ while selling you hazardous material in an attractive bottle complete with bow and ribbon…)

Enough ranting for today – time for a diet-Coke full of fatty pig stuff and the aspar-thing that will implant demon-grade alphabet-gobbling genes into the cellulite build-up in my brain from all those ketchup chips I’ve eaten so that I can never find the words to rant again…and you can thank Dr. Mango-Chutney for that discovery…

Cheers!!!…

- The Ranting Dream