Are you content with yourself?

Working on a component of ‘The Attitude Story‘, I figured I’d share some of my thoughts on something we talk about and give lip service to everyday, but don’t really take the time to apply it to our existence…

“If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need” – Cicero

Are we really ever going to have everything we need???

What is contentment? Can we really be content?? Is contentment and happiness one and the same???

Contentment is not about living in the status-quo and not doing anything to improve your existence and the lives of those around you…

Contentment is about being honest with yourself about who you really are…and instead of trying to ‘confirm’ to what others want you to be, or pretending to be someone else just because you want to ‘belong’; you live a life of integrity, in sync with your nature, content with yourself (not requiring alcohol or drugs to induce honesty in your existence for example – or half of L’Oreal’s net yearly production to induce ‘beauty’ in your form), and always in the pursuit of the truth and excellence in all matters…

“Happiness is self-contentedness” – Aristotle

Only YOU can choose whether you are going to be happy and content with yourself – ONLY YOU!!!

Read the sentence above again…

Read that sentence again…

And again…

Get the message?

…please do not misunderstand the message – there are unfortunate ailments, situations, and circumstances in this world (everything from depressive and psychological disorders to poverty to tragedies and abuse) that will contribute to a person’s state of mind and dictate whether or not the person is ‘happy’ and/or ‘content’ – and let’s be fair: these things can happen to anyone and cannot really be addressed by a ‘black and white’ methodology – so please do not take the message of ‘ONLY YOU!’ at face value – it applies for the most part to everyone, but there are exceptions…

I’ve lived through (and heard of) unhappy or dissatisfying circumstances and situations – everything from money and work-related issues to relationship conflicts to weight and health problems – and from all of this, I have realized one simple truth: it was never the circumstances or situations or even the conditions or the people around me that made me unhappy or dissatisfied with myself - it was ALWAYS MY CHOICE of thought, response, attitude, and behavior that caused me the grief – ALWAYS!

Reflect on your own experiences for a bit and see if this makes sense…

Spend some time putting a positive spin on everything that you view as a ‘negative’ in your life – count your blessings for once – and you will see an immediate difference in your perception of life – it’s all about how you perceive it – sickness, disease, pain, suffering – these are here to stay…whether you live through them in contentment or in depression; whether you address them in a logical, sensible manner, or you let them drag you down to the deepest black-hole, they are here to stay…

The following is a mantra I’ve written for myself…

I am happy with who I am and grateful for all that I have. I aspire to reach new heights everyday because within the challenges and opportunities of life, I continue to discover myself – and within that discovery, I find my happiness – and for that discovery, I am grateful. I dream lofty dreams but am never wishful for (or envious of) that which others have. I aspire to greatness, but never forget where I have come from, and more importantly: where I am headed to. I am who I am!

Drawing from personal experience, I will list a few things that have helped me develop that ‘contentment’ within myself – I continue to work with (and on) these realities with the hope that when my time runs out, I will leave in happiness and contentment with who and what I turned out to be on this earth…

1. Consciously stay focused on happiness – even when faced with adversity, reflect on the happier moments and seek to draw your response and attitude to the situation based on your ‘happier’ experiences…

2. Be consciously ‘content’ with what you have – know and count your blessings in every situation and circumstance – there are over 6 billion people on this planet – even if you consider yourself from amongst the ‘bottom’ 1% of this planet, know that you are not alone – even at that stage in your perception of life, you may be much better off than over 60 million people you share that 1% spot with…

3. Stay simple – appreciate who and what you are – don’t exaggerate anything about yourself just to look or feel good or to belong to a particular crowd. You will find yourself chasing after something that really does not exist – and because what you are chasing after does not exist, you will never find it – and the depression and sadness will grow by leaps and bounds with every disappointment…if anyone wants to be a part of your existence, they should be there because of who you are – never for who they want you to be; or worse: for who you pretend to be…

4. Enjoy every moment of your life – what’s the point in buying that awesome new house and only coming back to it for four hours every day to sleep? Sure, we all need to work and earn our way through life; but start appreciating and enjoying what you have – the appreciation for what you have will only be realized if you spend time with it and seek to understand it and know it completely – otherwise, you’ll keep chasing after (and looking for contentment in) the stuff that other people have…

5. Be careful with your finances – the worst thing that many of do early in life is embark on a lifestyle beyond our reach…thinking that happiness will follow…sadly: only financial troubles follow – and financial troubles will not bring any happiness for anyone…always be mindful of (and thankful for) what you have – make sure that you really ‘need’ more before splurging – sure you can ’spoil’ yourself once in a while – but that’s the key: ‘once in a while’ – not every month, or every week…

6. Understand that no two people are ever going to be alike – appreciate people for who they are, and they will, in turn, appreciate you for who you are…and if they don’t, who cares? I am who I am! If you don’t find anything worth appreciating in someone, stay away…

7. Let your kids be who they want to be – allow them to be content and happy with themselves – the biggest grievance I have with the parents of my generation is their ’scarcity mentality’ and their ‘inability’ to let go – excessive discipline, rigid rules, pressure to perform at school, competition with the neighbors’ kids – unconsciously we are forcing our kids to develop a ’scarcity mentality’ of their own – full of inferiority complexes and lack of satisfaction. It is okay to demand the best from everything, and keep your kids disciplined – but using them to address your own insecurities is the worst thing you can do to them – the seeds of contentment and happiness are best planted in childhood…

8. Appreciate what you do for a living – regardless of what it is.

A friend of mine who I went to college with was telling us his father’s story once: a young immigrant from a non-English-speaking country; he landed, among many other menial labor jobs, a janitorial position at the Toronto Stock Exchange back in the day…as he worked for his daily bread, he was intrigued at the goings-on at the Stock Exchange and started taking a keen interest in his environment. He would show up to work early, fulfill his duties as quickly as he could – making sure everything was done to the best as he did not want to lose that job – then spent his free time observing, learning, and talking to people at the Stock Exchange – at the time that my friend was telling us this story, his father was a top executive at one of the top 3 banks in Canada – from janitor at the Stock Exchange to top executive at a powerful bank in under 2 decades…sure he worked hard, sure he struggled, sure he lived through many disappointments before finally getting to where he wanted to be – but he never disrespected his job – he used his job as janitor to stay within the Stock Exchange facility so that he could learn what he needed to learn to grow…he made sure that there was no reason ever for firing him from his janitorial job because that was his ticket to greatness!

9. Accept, enjoy, and take control of your sails to ride the winds of change – any other response to change, especially resistance, is futile – change will persist with or without your blessing…the more you choose to resist change, the more unhappy and discontent you will be with the changing landscape…and be equally open to ‘changing’ your frames of reference, and perceptions, and habits, and thoughts as you get wiser and more knowledgeable…

“He who cannot change the very fabric of his thought will never be able to change reality, and will never, therefore, make any progress” – Anwar Sadat

A very long story short: the next time you’re unhappy about something, take a deep breath and think about everything in your life that has made you happy – the next time you feel discontent about something, take a deep breath and count your blessings – the next time you’re dissatisfied in any relationship, take a deep breath and look in the mirror…you’ll immediately realize how blessed you truly are…

And when you do that deep breath and look in the mirror thing; if you do it right, you might even look a few inches slimmer…I kid myself everyday too…

Appreciate life – you only get one of these in all of eternity!!! Peek out the window early in the morning and watch the sun rise over the horizon (if you’re living in Toronto, pretend you can see the sun behind the building blocking your view) – the next time you see a pretty flower, go closer and touch it…

Three passions have governed my life:
The longings for love, the search for knowledge,
And unbearable pity for the suffering of [humankind].

Love brings ecstasy and relieves loneliness.
In the union of love I have seen
In a mystic miniature the prefiguring vision
Of the heavens that saints and poets have imagined.

With equal passion I have sought knowledge.
I have wished to understand the hearts of [people].
I have wished to know why the stars shine.

Love and knowledge led upwards to the heavens,
But always pity brought me back to earth;
Cries of pain reverberated in my heart
Of children in famine, of victims tortured
And of old people left helpless.
I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot,
And I too suffer.

This has been my life; I found it worth living.

Bertrand Russell (adapted)

This has indeed been my life; and I have truly found it worth living!

- The Ranting Dream

A penny for your thoughts…

I was lost in thought when a friend snapped his fingers and said: “A penny for your thoughts!”…

Here’s my quest for that penny…

I’ll quote snippets of Khalil Gibran’s “Your Thought and Mine” that are in sync with my reality:

“…Your thought is a tree rooted deep in the soil of tradition and whose branches grow in the power of continuity. My thought is a cloud moving in the space. It turns into drops which, as they fall, form a brook that sings its way into the sea. Then it rises as vapour into the sky.

Your thought is a fortress that neither gale nor the lightning can shake. My thought is a tender leaf that sways in every direction and finds pleasure in its swaying.

Your thought is an ancient dogma that cannot change you nor can you change it. My thought is new, and it tests me and I test it morn and eve.

You have your thought and I have mine.

Your thought advocates fame and show. Mine counsels me and implores me to cast aside notoriety and treat it like a grain of sand cast upon the shore of eternity.

Your thought instills in your heart arrogance and superiority. Mine plants within me love for peace and the desire for independence.

Your thought begets dreams of palaces with furniture of sandalwood studded with jewels, and beds made of twisted silk threads. My thought speaks softly in my ears, “Be clean in body and spirit even if you have nowhere to lay your head.”

Your thought makes you aspire to titles and offices. Mine exhorts me to humble service.

You have your thought and I have mine.

Your thought is social science, a religious and political dictionary. Mine is simple axiom.

Your thought speaks of the beautiful woman, the ugly, the virtuous, the prostitute, the intelligent, and the stupid. Mine sees in every woman a mother, a sister, or a daughter of every man.

Your thought concerns the skilled, the artist, the intellectual, the philosopher, the priest. Mine speaks of the loving and the affectionate, the sincere, the honest, the forthright, the kindly, and the martyr.

You have your thought and I have mine.

Your thought holds that the glory of the nations is in their heroes. It sings the praises of Rameses, Alexander, Caesar, Hannibal, and Napoleon. But mine claims that the real heroes are Confucius, Lao-Tse, Socrates, Plato, Abi Taleb, El Gazali, Jalal Ed-din-el Roumy, Copernicus, and Pasteur.

Your thought sees power in armies, cannons, battleships, submarines, aeroplanes, and poison gas. But mine asserts that power lies in reason, resolution, and truth. No matter how long the tyrant endures, he will be the loser at the end.

Your thought differentiates between pragmatist and idealist, between the part and the whole, between the mystic and materialist. Mine realizes that life is one and its weights, measures and tables do not coincide with your weights, measures and tables. He whom you suppose an idealist may be a practical man.

You have your thought and I have mine.

Your thought is interested in ruins and museums, mummies and petrified objects. But mine hovers in the ever-renewed haze and clouds.

Your thought is enthroned on skulls. Since you take pride in it, you glorify it too. My thought wanders in the obscure and distant valleys.

Your thought trumpets while you dance. Mine prefers the anguish of death to your music and dancing.

You have your thought and I have mine…”

Gibran Khalil Gibran bin Mikhael bin Saâd (1883 AD – 1931 AD)

- The Ranting Dream

Has greed shoved out honesty from our lives?

As a species, we have always been ‘greedy’ and ’selfish’ (among many other things – good and bad)…

The attribute of ‘greediness’ in itself is not the issue — the bigger issue is in the lack of information/knowledge/analysis with which we choose to make our decisions in life…

Looking at the framework on which we build our societies today, I have yet to see an initiative out there designed to ‘educate’ without bias or influence — there is a catch behind everything — look at how our channels of communication and information shamelessly exploit common human weaknesses — they don’t even spare innocent little kids…

There’s nothing wrong with this though (from a strictly logical standpoint) — what is ‘wrong’ is that we do not allow (or train) our minds to process this information and pick from it that which is applicable/profitable to us (apply the same principles of ‘greediness’ and ’selfishness’ for our own good) — we do not allow our faculties the opportunity to analyze before we act…and this is where our ‘greediness’ and ’selfishness’ become an issue…

Ultimately, we absolve ourselves of all responsibility and blame the ‘greedy’ corporations for their misdoings — we elected that corrupt leader not because of his ‘merit’ but because he out-trashed his rival in the pre-election campaign…our kids are obese and unhealthy not because of the fast food chains – but because we ‘chose’ to feed them ‘fast-food’ junk as we were too busy running the rat-race to even think about the consequences of our actions…our species is getting dumber by the day not because of the overpaid, greedy, and lazy teachers in the system but because we have chosen to ‘accept’ poor quality and low standards for ourselves and our kids…

And after we have run out of greedy corporations and selfish humans to blame for our stupidity, we will seriously start looking for life on Mars – the greedy aliens are the root cause of all our grief – because of them we can’t be honest, sincere, truthful, generous, and compassionate — especially when the moon is aligned with Saturn…

Greed (or any other ‘vice’ for that matter) has not shoved out honesty, integrity, ethics, and good ole common sense — we have chosen to accept a sub-standard (low-standard actually) existence for ourselves – ultimately not developing that honesty, integrity, ethical framework, and good ole common sense…

- The Ranting Dream

Why are we afraid of success?

As odd as it may seem to some, many out there are ‘afraid’ of succeeding – in fact, pretty much everyone out there is afraid of everything that exists (and of everything that doesn’t exist as well – thanks to superstition and organized religion) – but that is a rant for another day…

In my humble observation, people primarily fear success because:

1. Success is almost always indicative of (or catalyzed by) ‘change’. Change is a very scary concept – because it forces folks out of their comfort zones and demands a higher level of awareness, intelligence, agility, ability, credibility, responsibility etc. Change introduces ‘unknown elements’ into our existence – and we’re already terrified of all the things we know; how, pray, are we going to deal with those that we don’t?

2. Success almost always puts one in the lime-light. The star, the icon, the role-model is now under pressure to make magic happen again and again…The pressure sometimes becomes unbearable – and unless one is constantly seeking the best from within, even the smallest of successes can quickly turn into a devastating curse…

3. Success almost always requires re-prioritization and re-invention – many people tend to box themselves into dogmas and attitudes and habits — and quickly find themselves victims of their own biases and self-imposed limitations – re-invention is an uphill battle…

4. Success demands a much higher level of discipline and confidence than average – for every one person that loves you, there will be ten that will challenge you, and ten more that will outright hate you – often times, people lack the resolve and confidence to face personal, intellectual, and emotional challenges head-on – and tend to choose the easier path of least resistance…the discipline requirement: time, relationships etc. – another can of worms!…

5. Success almost always brings you at a level playing field with ‘above-average’ folks — it is harder to stay up there than it is to get there — many lack the courage, vision, and persistence required to ’stay’ successful…

and for my favorite observation of them all:

6. Success almost always traces its beginnings back to a DREAM – a big, fantastic, unreal, exaggerated, dream – and many out there are afraid to dream…that, also, is a rant for another day…

On a lighter note, many fear to tread on the ‘road to success’ simply because it is rumoured that ‘Cess’ is an ugly, old, obese, dirty, hermit who’s been living for many hundreds of years in solitary confinement – waiting for some fool to show up looking for the ‘ways to suc-cess’…

- The Ranting Dream