Are you content with yourself?
Working on a component of ‘The Attitude Story‘, I figured I’d share some of my thoughts on something we talk about and give lip service to everyday, but don’t really take the time to apply it to our existence…
“If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need” – Cicero
Are we really ever going to have everything we need???
What is contentment? Can we really be content?? Is contentment and happiness one and the same???
Contentment is not about living in the status-quo and not doing anything to improve your existence and the lives of those around you…
Contentment is about being honest with yourself about who you really are…and instead of trying to ‘confirm’ to what others want you to be, or pretending to be someone else just because you want to ‘belong’; you live a life of integrity, in sync with your nature, content with yourself (not requiring alcohol or drugs to induce honesty in your existence for example – or half of L’Oreal’s net yearly production to induce ‘beauty’ in your form), and always in the pursuit of the truth and excellence in all matters…
“Happiness is self-contentedness” – Aristotle
Only YOU can choose whether you are going to be happy and content with yourself – ONLY YOU!!!
Read the sentence above again…
Read that sentence again…
And again…
Get the message?
…please do not misunderstand the message – there are unfortunate ailments, situations, and circumstances in this world (everything from depressive and psychological disorders to poverty to tragedies and abuse) that will contribute to a person’s state of mind and dictate whether or not the person is ‘happy’ and/or ‘content’ – and let’s be fair: these things can happen to anyone and cannot really be addressed by a ‘black and white’ methodology – so please do not take the message of ‘ONLY YOU!’ at face value – it applies for the most part to everyone, but there are exceptions…
I’ve lived through (and heard of) unhappy or dissatisfying circumstances and situations – everything from money and work-related issues to relationship conflicts to weight and health problems – and from all of this, I have realized one simple truth: it was never the circumstances or situations or even the conditions or the people around me that made me unhappy or dissatisfied with myself - it was ALWAYS MY CHOICE of thought, response, attitude, and behavior that caused me the grief – ALWAYS!
Reflect on your own experiences for a bit and see if this makes sense…
Spend some time putting a positive spin on everything that you view as a ‘negative’ in your life – count your blessings for once – and you will see an immediate difference in your perception of life – it’s all about how you perceive it – sickness, disease, pain, suffering – these are here to stay…whether you live through them in contentment or in depression; whether you address them in a logical, sensible manner, or you let them drag you down to the deepest black-hole, they are here to stay…
The following is a mantra I’ve written for myself…
I am happy with who I am and grateful for all that I have. I aspire to reach new heights everyday because within the challenges and opportunities of life, I continue to discover myself – and within that discovery, I find my happiness – and for that discovery, I am grateful. I dream lofty dreams but am never wishful for (or envious of) that which others have. I aspire to greatness, but never forget where I have come from, and more importantly: where I am headed to. I am who I am!
Drawing from personal experience, I will list a few things that have helped me develop that ‘contentment’ within myself – I continue to work with (and on) these realities with the hope that when my time runs out, I will leave in happiness and contentment with who and what I turned out to be on this earth…
1. Consciously stay focused on happiness – even when faced with adversity, reflect on the happier moments and seek to draw your response and attitude to the situation based on your ‘happier’ experiences…
2. Be consciously ‘content’ with what you have – know and count your blessings in every situation and circumstance – there are over 6 billion people on this planet – even if you consider yourself from amongst the ‘bottom’ 1% of this planet, know that you are not alone – even at that stage in your perception of life, you may be much better off than over 60 million people you share that 1% spot with…
3. Stay simple – appreciate who and what you are – don’t exaggerate anything about yourself just to look or feel good or to belong to a particular crowd. You will find yourself chasing after something that really does not exist – and because what you are chasing after does not exist, you will never find it – and the depression and sadness will grow by leaps and bounds with every disappointment…if anyone wants to be a part of your existence, they should be there because of who you are – never for who they want you to be; or worse: for who you pretend to be…
4. Enjoy every moment of your life – what’s the point in buying that awesome new house and only coming back to it for four hours every day to sleep? Sure, we all need to work and earn our way through life; but start appreciating and enjoying what you have – the appreciation for what you have will only be realized if you spend time with it and seek to understand it and know it completely – otherwise, you’ll keep chasing after (and looking for contentment in) the stuff that other people have…
5. Be careful with your finances – the worst thing that many of do early in life is embark on a lifestyle beyond our reach…thinking that happiness will follow…sadly: only financial troubles follow – and financial troubles will not bring any happiness for anyone…always be mindful of (and thankful for) what you have – make sure that you really ‘need’ more before splurging – sure you can ’spoil’ yourself once in a while – but that’s the key: ‘once in a while’ – not every month, or every week…
6. Understand that no two people are ever going to be alike – appreciate people for who they are, and they will, in turn, appreciate you for who you are…and if they don’t, who cares? I am who I am! If you don’t find anything worth appreciating in someone, stay away…
7. Let your kids be who they want to be – allow them to be content and happy with themselves – the biggest grievance I have with the parents of my generation is their ’scarcity mentality’ and their ‘inability’ to let go – excessive discipline, rigid rules, pressure to perform at school, competition with the neighbors’ kids – unconsciously we are forcing our kids to develop a ’scarcity mentality’ of their own – full of inferiority complexes and lack of satisfaction. It is okay to demand the best from everything, and keep your kids disciplined – but using them to address your own insecurities is the worst thing you can do to them – the seeds of contentment and happiness are best planted in childhood…
8. Appreciate what you do for a living – regardless of what it is.
A friend of mine who I went to college with was telling us his father’s story once: a young immigrant from a non-English-speaking country; he landed, among many other menial labor jobs, a janitorial position at the Toronto Stock Exchange back in the day…as he worked for his daily bread, he was intrigued at the goings-on at the Stock Exchange and started taking a keen interest in his environment. He would show up to work early, fulfill his duties as quickly as he could – making sure everything was done to the best as he did not want to lose that job – then spent his free time observing, learning, and talking to people at the Stock Exchange – at the time that my friend was telling us this story, his father was a top executive at one of the top 3 banks in Canada – from janitor at the Stock Exchange to top executive at a powerful bank in under 2 decades…sure he worked hard, sure he struggled, sure he lived through many disappointments before finally getting to where he wanted to be – but he never disrespected his job – he used his job as janitor to stay within the Stock Exchange facility so that he could learn what he needed to learn to grow…he made sure that there was no reason ever for firing him from his janitorial job because that was his ticket to greatness!
9. Accept, enjoy, and take control of your sails to ride the winds of change – any other response to change, especially resistance, is futile – change will persist with or without your blessing…the more you choose to resist change, the more unhappy and discontent you will be with the changing landscape…and be equally open to ‘changing’ your frames of reference, and perceptions, and habits, and thoughts as you get wiser and more knowledgeable…
“He who cannot change the very fabric of his thought will never be able to change reality, and will never, therefore, make any progress” – Anwar Sadat
A very long story short: the next time you’re unhappy about something, take a deep breath and think about everything in your life that has made you happy – the next time you feel discontent about something, take a deep breath and count your blessings – the next time you’re dissatisfied in any relationship, take a deep breath and look in the mirror…you’ll immediately realize how blessed you truly are…
And when you do that deep breath and look in the mirror thing; if you do it right, you might even look a few inches slimmer…I kid myself everyday too…
Appreciate life – you only get one of these in all of eternity!!! Peek out the window early in the morning and watch the sun rise over the horizon (if you’re living in Toronto, pretend you can see the sun behind the building blocking your view) – the next time you see a pretty flower, go closer and touch it…
Three passions have governed my life:
The longings for love, the search for knowledge,
And unbearable pity for the suffering of [humankind].
Love brings ecstasy and relieves loneliness.
In the union of love I have seen
In a mystic miniature the prefiguring vision
Of the heavens that saints and poets have imagined.
With equal passion I have sought knowledge.
I have wished to understand the hearts of [people].
I have wished to know why the stars shine.
Love and knowledge led upwards to the heavens,
But always pity brought me back to earth;
Cries of pain reverberated in my heart
Of children in famine, of victims tortured
And of old people left helpless.
I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot,
And I too suffer.
This has been my life; I found it worth living.
Bertrand Russell (adapted)
This has indeed been my life; and I have truly found it worth living!
